Why it's so difficult to say "I need help." (And what to do about it.)

Erin Vazquez

How many times have you been faced with a situation in life where having help would be awesome? How many times have you had access to it? And how many times have you turned it down?

I've just wrapped up a two-week promotion where I asked people to help me spread awareness of a giveaway. There were so many times before sending the email/dm/text asking for help that I tried to talk myself out of it. I did it anyway... and real talk, there were some people I didn't "bother" with all of it. 

When you think about it there are a few things that can happen when you ask for help:

  • People agree to help.
  • People ignore or decline to help.
  • And it's necessary to note in this age of social currency that some people might unfollow/mute/block you. 

When you look at these options, none of them are life-threatening. So why is it so difficult to ask for help? Here is a list written in "you" as I project all my own stuff into a mass generalization. Feel free to reject and/or accept all that serves your highest and greatest expression.

1. You're terrified of being seen.

When you ask for help, the (bullshit) veneer of perfection or having it all together gets to melt away as you expose your next level dream to the masses. What if someone ridicules you? What if someone "confirms" the doubts that you bravely overcome everyday? What if it's too painful to be authentic? (How painful is it to be inauthentic?)

2. You're terrified of losing control.

The good news is you only have control over three things: your own thoughts, feelings and actions. You're not responsible for anyone else's. Asking for help means surrendering to a chain of events both known and unknown that you can't control. (But what if you decided that you're totally safe to tell people what you're up to and anyone's reaction to it is their own responsibility?)

3. You're terrified of failure.

I'll switch back to me on this one. By asking for help with a project, it exposed me to so many different people who can now ask me "how did it go?" So what if no one signed up? What would that say about me? What would that say about this thing that I do that I literally think about all. The. Time? (What does it say that I stake so much self-value on the "success" of career? Something to be with.)

4. You're terrified that people will let you down.

Asking for help opens you up to the virtues and deficits of others (we all have them) - worried energy about this is tightly linked to control in the sense that if someone "let's you down" you have not been able to control their behavior or the way you wanted them to behave. Sure, that sucks, but let's just say if this is so paralyzing that you would let this fear stop you from making moves, there's something from earlier in life (probably the first seven years) that gets to heal, shift, release or resolve. (What forgiveness of self and others gets to happen?)

5. Receiving is out of your comfort zone.

You were taught at some point that hard work is virtuous, that nothig in life is free, if someone gives you something, they owe you something back... being suspicious of other people's motvies when they act from kindness. Hmmmm..... (What if there are people in this world that are generous and loving and you have created the reality that they are in your life?)

All of these things have deep roots in your unconscious mind. I knew logically what was coming up for me through this promotion, but the presence of resistance meant I had to make deliberate decisions outside of fear. 

Here's how to make it easier to ask for help.

1. Shift your focus onto the good things that could happen.

If you're thinking about all the ways things could go wrong, that's going to stop you in your tracks. I started thinking about the person who was going to win this giveaway (for one-on-one coaching). Maybe it would be someone that's been in my universe since the beginning of my business. Maybe it would be someone I've never met before. Either way, the winner was allowing me into their life and because of that not only are they going to start a journey of healing, alignment and creating, but I'm going to learn from them. When I felt into that reality, it felt really good to ask my network to spread the word.

2. Lovingly observe what's coming up and note what gets to heal, shift, release or resolve.

The fear/need for control/stubborness doesn't need to be the truth. It's simply an indicator. Observe it and let it be a guidepost for what gets to change as you evolve into the most authentic version of yourself. The self that will shine bright with the support and help of others.

3. Ask for help.

Get on the horse that you think is going to buck you off. Once you overcome that barrier and get to the other side an see how safe you are - even if people decline to help you - your capabilitites expand. So do the possibilities for your future.

And if you want to get started on receiving help, click on the pink button below and access your hypnotherapy track now. You don't even have to ask. You simply need to receive.

With love,


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Erin Vazquez is a master certified NLP Coach, Timeline Therapy™️ Practitioner and hypnotherapist who works with clients and students all over the world.  

Her passion is helping creatives design a life that lets them dance in the intersection of creativity and wealth by helping them heal spiritual wounds, build an unstoppable mindset, then roll up their sleeves and get down to (creative) business.  

She hosts Ask Erin on her YouTube channel. If you would like to submit a question to be answered, simply contact us and subscribe to the YouTube Channel!